Still about you

“Everyone needs a place. It shouldn’t be inside someone else”
Richard Siken©

This quotation from my favorite poet has been bugging me for nights. And by night, I mean two cups of coffee and a slice of take-home pizza. I’ve been up late at the evening feeling something different, something hollow inside. It’s as if a missing part of me sends forth a ghost to haunt me. Instantaneously, I know the reason. She is the reason. So I’ve fired up my cranky laptop and find something to kill time with. Hopefully, distracting me from this nocturnal thoughts. Then I remembered my college professor, Miss Pau, telling me something about Word Press. So I typed in (as if you care about this) W-O-R-D-P-R-E-S-S on the search engine and voila! The night has brought me here. Writing senselessly about you. About this indescribable feeling you left me with.

I find it funny though that when you chose to pull off from ‘us’, my reaction was of a different shade of sad. You know, the kind of sad that pretends not to be sad. I guess, that’s because I am me. And by now, you should know that my actions are always based on what other people want to see from me.

Another thing, I’m quite amused and amazed by myself at the same time because I’ve written about this even before it has happened. On the first weeks of my English class, my professor asked us to write a literary piece about ‘how to say goodbye’. What happened on my story entitled “A Bitter Cup of Volition” are similar to what happened to us. You leaving and I pretending to be cool with it. Now I am left wondering if in any way, have I transformed myself into a sooth-saying muse. If that’s the case, I better make a living out of this.

Now I’m just literally waiting for the right word to stop this writing. But I can’t seem to find the right word to end you. I am afraid to put an end to you. It is hard to put an end to you. But I guess that’s what ampersands are for. So this just might be the end &…


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